Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
