Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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