There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
