Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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