I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
