Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
