As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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