A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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