So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
there's paper in my vomit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
