After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
