if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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