Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
