Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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