3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
