i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We are two peas in an std pod
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
