if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
