Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
