I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
