Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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