i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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