i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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