Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
