Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
