I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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