Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He felt like a one man threesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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