I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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