Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
