sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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