just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
