No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
