This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
