why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
