i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
