well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
