I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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