Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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