I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
