I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
