I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
