Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
