im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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