Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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