she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
