Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like eating out sand paper
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
