You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You can't special order awesome
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
