you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it glows. i had to have it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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