I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
