i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
