Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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