She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
