2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
